Facebook Detox

Do I think anyone cares why I am facebook detoxing? Probably not! Is it possible my reasons are food for thought? It's possible.

I've been struggling from a spiritual standpoint for quite a long time. I'm struggling with contentment. I'm struggling with life just not being the way I thought it was supposed to be by 30. The pieces have simply not been falling into place the way I would like. I'll put in a disclaimer that I am not talking about my marriage here! I don't want to spark rumors or anything. I'm just talking about where I am in this life stage...whatever stage that is!

I'm trying to remind myself that God does not promise me all the things I think I deserve. He never promised that I would own a home vs. rent. He never promised that I could shop at this store over that store. He never promised that a little nasty rodent wouldn't make its way into my kitchen. He never promised that things would always go the way I want. What He did promise is that life is going to be hard if I decide to follow Him. He is definitely a God of His word! Life has been hard. No, it's not hard compared to a lot of people! But I think we all experience real pain with unmet expectations...no matter how serious or trivial they may seem. My point is that I'm struggling with where God has me right now, and I've come to the conclusion that facebook is not helping me with that! For me it's seeing a hot stove and consciously putting my hand right on top of it!

Facebook is the classic example of something good that can so easily become something bad. I love catching up with friends, reconnecting with people from the past, feeling like I get to be part of the lives of friends who have moved away, seeing weddings, seeing vacations, you get the picture. But what it also provides is a frame of reference that at one time wasn't so right in my face. What it provides is a way to compare myself not just to my close circle of friends, but to 600 other people! It makes it tempting to question myself and my decisions. If I had only gone to law school right out of college I'd be here. If I had only done this or that I would be moving into my own house. Is there something wrong with me that I don't have that house yet? Is it ok that I don't have X number of children by 30 to post all over facebook? These are the type of questions I believe are natural, but facebook almost never gives you a break from asking them. Yes...I have the ability to control my own thinking. I can attempt to change my train of thought. When I start to feel dissatisfied, I can always choose to thank God for a lot of things instead of complaining. That becomes a little easier if I remove the distraction though. It's kind of like the recovering alcoholic who walks a further distance home to avoid passing the bar. That isn't a sign of weakness, it's a sign of strength. This person knows his or her limitations and weaknesses. They are simply acknowledging them and avoiding temptation when it's within their control.

I started writing this over a week and a half ago and have yet to check my page. Of course being out of the country for a week didn't hurt! There was free internet though so I could have checked. I have decided to take the time I would be on facebook and do things that will help me overcome this sense of entitlement and discontent. Brent and I are reading through a book on the Beatitudes, and have committed to reading the Beatitudes before we get out of bed in the morning and before we go to sleep. We still feel far from it sinking in and becoming a reality in our lives, but we figure it can't happen if we aren't willing to read.

I don't know that our circumstances will change. The only thing that I can control is how I view the circumstances. It's going to be hard! I think minimizing the amount of time I spend on facebook will really help. I have to admit that I'm scared! I'm afraid my friends are going to forget about me. I'm afraid I'll miss some party or some big news because I didn't see it! I suppose I just have to trust that my real friends will make sure to send me an e mail or use that old fashioned thing...what's it called???? Oh the telephone!

I think my plan is to start to utilize my blog more. At some point I am going to password protect it, because I don't want certain things "out there" for everyone to see. I want to use it to post pictures and talk about things. I'm actually extremely private on facebook. I do not let everybody see everything! If I don't know you very well you don't get to know if I'm out of town! If I've met you once, you won't know when I'm away from my apartment! So I'm planning to take the same precautions on this blog. I really do hope more people will read it. This will allow me the avenue to express myself without all of the temptation!

I'm not sure how long I am going to go before I check my account again. I don't even know whether I have some number in mind for how many times a week I should check. I think for me it's a heart and motives thing. I hope to be honest enough with myself to check my motives for why I click that little bookmark!

So far I have felt pretty good. I have not had this urge to check it! I actually finished a book I've been reading for a year, and I haven't wasted as much time mindlessly on the computer. Again...I was in Mexico for the last week so I doubt that is a good indicator! I am truly only about 5 days on the wagon! I may continue to publish my blog to facebook, but I haven't decided yet! Maybe people will actually "follow" this without needing to be prompted!

I think I'll leave you with this question. What are your motives for posting what you post on facebook? I've already blogged about this if you haven't read it. Do you want people to see how "perfect" your life seems, do you want people to think you're funny (that one is totally me), do you want people to feel sorry for you, do you want sympathy, do you want people to be jealous, are you trying to feel better about yourself, are you just being silly? The questions go on! See I'm starting to realize that the percentage of good motives to bad motives for me on facebook is a lot less flattering than I would like. I am guilty! Are you?